Diehards absorb the sublime atmospherics of Silence Wedge at last year's Meredith Music Festival.

There is only one act that has been invited back to every Meredith and Golden Plains festival since their inceptions. There is only one act that has been bestowed the brain melting, hours-long dawn-to-brunch slot. And, let’s be honest, there is only one act that could. And that is the mysterious entity known as Silence Wedge.

Silence Wedge are more than enigmatic. Due to the insane hours they keep, only the truly hardcore ever capture them. It has been posited that they are merely a hallucination. Some say they are so minimalist that their performances actually create a vacuum via the little-known physics of the White Noise Hole. Others might say we are fools to believe, and there is no such band.

Is it telepathy or a channelling of the collective unconscious? The Enthusiast presents fans of the fantastic with the first ever interview with Silence Wedge, delivered electronically from the wireless internet hook-up they share with Harold Holt and a bunyip at Hanging Rock.

The Enthusiast: Can you give those who have never heard of you a quick history of the band and its members?

Silence Wedge: “Many years ago, late one night at Meredith, after many, many Pink Flamingo cocktails, a group of frustrated musos solemnly swore to jolt audiences out of their aural comfort zones and to live out their wildest and most explosive rock-star fantasies. That was the thin end of the Silence Wedge. As for who we are, we are a floating collective of multi-instrumentalists. We say this because sometimes we look around us on stage and don’t recognise anyone else up there. But ultimately the music speaks for itself.”

You’re routinely given extensive slots. What techniques do you use to keep a crowd’s attention?

“We grab them by the ears and go, “HEY YOU! LISTEN TO US AND IT WILL EXPAND YOUR MIND!” Of course we are on stage at the time so we cannot literally grab people by the ears. We have friends in the audience to do that. Also, never underestimate the power of Celine Dion-style arm gesturing.”

Does playing the 5am-10am set suit your sleeping cycles? Do you require artificial stimulants?

“We have a sponsorship deal with a company that makes those energy drinks with twice the energy hit of other energy drinks (because the can is twice as large). They send a slab our way every so often, although we accidentally dropped the last one on the floor and we have to be careful when we open each can that it doesn’t spray everywhere. This isn’t the Grand Prix, you know.”

I can only imagine many other artists at festivals must be jealous of the fact that you’re consistently asked back every year and given the longest slot of the night. How are you treated backstage?

Over five hours! Suck it, Ween.

“Everyone loves our music – when we explain what we do they stand there kind of stunned for a while, and we are like, ‘Yeah, that’s our favourite song too!’ The other acts are always really nice to us. Last Golden Plains, Jens Lekman promised he’d come and see our set for sure, and then the next day he bought us wood-fired nachos and was all, ‘Aww, sorry you guys, I nodded off.’ We told him not to be silly. We were so honoured that our music moved Jens so much.”

Can you tell us about any mishaps resulting from over-excitation from yourselves or punters?

“Once we pulled our groin during a scissor-kick and then broke our coccyx when we landed. We don’t like to speak about that injury too much because people laugh when we mention the word ‘coccyx’ and say, ‘That’s funny because it sounds like “cock”.’”

Describe your typical fan?

“We only have very dedicated fans, ones who are willing to really expand their minds and let the truth of our music affect them on a deep level. Our fans respond in a very profound and physical way to our music, although to the average person it looks as though they are just standing there idly.”

Which member of the band is the “quiet one”?

“Phil! You just can’t shut that guy up.”

Which musical styles are exciting Silence Wedge most at the moment?

“We’ve always been massive John Cage fans – we love his piece ‘4′33″‘. But we’re big into the inhalecore scene right now. Inhalecore is about those pockets of really fraught silence just after a singer or an MC breathes in. A really influential track was Kanye West’s ‘Breathe In, Breathe Out’, from his first album. Inhalecore really is amazing live – crowds go really mad for it, circular breathing pits and everything.”

Describe your dream festival.

“Golden Plains is pretty much the ideal festival for us: a like-minded crowd, peaceful surroundings, really nice organisers who always remind us not to ‘fuck up our sound system’, and importantly, wood-fired nachos. The only way to improve it would be to wood-fire other food items.”

What would it take for Silence Wedge to “sell out”?

“Some people say we should enter air guitar championships and similar, but these people are cretins who don’t understand our philosophy, and also possibly need more iodine in their diets.”

Often the NIMBYs you speak of complain no matter how quiet a band is. Have you ever been told to turn it down?

“No way man, our sound system starts at 11 and goes through to maybe 28. If the neighbours can’t handle that well then we feel sorry for them. Also, we might bake them a cake and take it over to show how sorry we are.”