Talkin’ ‘Bout Your Generation – Tuesday, 7:30pm, Ch10
Depending on which definition you pick, I’m either Gen X or Gen Y. I’ll plump for Gen Y, thanks, because I don’t really want the “edgy, polished and inventive” Charlie Pickering representing me, even though we are the same age. I like Josh Thomas a lot better. Still, I think we can all agree that Shaun Micallef is one of the funniest men on television and I like pop-culture quiz shows, even if I do shame myself in front of my housemates by getting the answers wrong.

Movie: Cypher – Wednesday, 12pm, Ch7
This enjoyable corporate thriller is set in the near future and stars Jeremy Northam as a nerdy salaryman who takes a job as an industrial spy and discovers it involves being brainwashed and losing touch with reality. Lucy Liu, however, can help him come to terms with the pickle he finds himself in. Kind of like Johnny Mnemonic meets Duplicity.

Movie: Dead Man – Wednesday, 10pm, SBS
Remember those halcyon days when SBS used to screen gems of American independent cinema on Wednesday nights? Perhaps they are returning, as Jim Jarmusch’s unsettling 1995 postmodern Western hits our TV screens. The all-star cast includes Johnny Depp and Robert Mitchum in his final role, as well as Billy Bob Thornton, Iggy Pop, Crispin Glover, John Hurt and Lance Henriksen. Neil Young improvised the soundtrack. Possibly the highlight of this week’s viewing.

Worst Week – Thursday, 8pm, Ch10
Based on the British series The Worst Week Of My Life, this 2008 American sitcom premieres in Australia tonight. Enjoy it while it lasts, as it looks as if I’ll soon be featuring it on The Can Opener. However, both critics and audiences have enjoyed the adventures of magazine editor Sam Briggs (Kyle Bornheimer), whose extraordinary bad luck hampers his attempts to tell his girlfriend Mel’s (Erinn Hayes) parents – who’ve never really liked him – that Mel is pregnant. There’s currently a petition to save the show.

The Golden Girls – Friday, 2:30pm, Ch7
I have no idea how long Channel Seven has been screening The Golden Girls, but if you’re within reach of a screen this Friday arvo, it’s a well-spent half-hour. Bea Arthur’s recent death (and that of Estelle Getty last year) had me watching clips of her work in this show and her earlier sitcom Maude, and they’re both smart and hilarious.

Movie: The Others – Friday, 12pm, Ch7
Another excellent movie! This old-fashioned psychological horror film, directed by Alejandro Amenábar, scared the shit out of me when I saw it at the cinema – especially when Mrs Mills the housekeeper says, “I’ve just about reached the end of my tether.” Nicole Kidman is pretty good as the mum trying to raise her two photosensitive kids in a spooky island mansion while her husband (Christopher Ecclestone) is off in WWII, and who begins to suspect the house is haunted.

Movie: The Lake House – Friday, 8:30pm, Ch9
At home on a Friday night, feeling a little bummed out about not having a social life and not especially interested in having SBS rub that fact in with its Friday Night Porno? Then perhaps it’s time to open up a bottle of your favourite liquor and luxuriate in the schmaltzy rubbish that is Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock mysteriously being able to send each other love letters two years apart via a magical letterbox at a lakeside house. You know they’ll get together in the end! All is right with the world!

Movie: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory – Saturday, 7:30pm, Ch9
Excellently programmed to be watched before you head out on Saturday night, Tim Burton’s 2005 rendition of the classic Roald Dahl novel is a worthy companion piece for Dead Man earlier in the week. Johnny Depp’s Willy Wonka gets a dubious origin story and behaves rather like Michael Jackson, but perhaps that’s the point. And Freddie Highmore is a much better Charlie than that sooky blond muppet from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.

Movie: Breakfast On Pluto – Saturday, 9:50pm, SBS
Cillian Murphy had his big break with this Neil Jordan movie, based on Patrick McCabe’s novel – he’d previously played young transgender woman Patrick ‘Kitten’ Braden in a theatre version of the novel. Like a kind of Irish version of Hedwig and the Angry Inch, it manages to mix ’70s glam rock, Irish republican politics and the Wombles. It also stars Liam Neeson, Stephen Rea, Brendan Gleeson and musician Gavin Friday.

Movie: Police Academy – Sunday, 1:45am, Ch9
Yay, it’s the original and still pretty funny 1984 instalment in the series about social misfits who join the police force rather than go to jail. Perhaps I’ve lived an unambitious life, but I can’t think of anything better than getting home at 1:30am from your Saturday night and then realising this is on and you get to see Steve Guttenberg do his bland thang, Kim Cattrall be young and cute, Michael Winslow make those funny noises and that mean cop find love at the Blue Oyster Bar.